Let’s Talk About Toilet Time
Hey girl!!
Are you like me?
When I was a kid, I had the hardest time pooping in a public restroom or anywhere other than my bathroom at my parent’s house.
I remember being away for a basketball camp and sharing a bathroom with 4 close friends and I would have such terrible stomach pains, because I wouldn’t poop the whole time we were there. I would sneak away to find a one toilet restroom where I could cover my ears and try to focus on me and relieving my pain. But it just wouldn’t work.
Fast forward quite a few years, and now I’m a mom and have 3 kids and RARELY do I get a FREE moment to go poop without someone screaming at me, pulling my hair, wanting to nursing etc. My hunky, husband on the other hand, gets like 20 minutes of peace and quiet a few times a day to let if all out.
Anyways, lots of us are dealing with bowel issues: constipation, IBS, hemorrhoids or diverticulitis etc and they can be all be caused from poor toileting techniques.
Girl we are so lucky to have indoor plumbing in this country and since it has been around, we have been sitting on cold toilet seats to have bowel movements. Before that, we would squat to eliminate our feces . In other countries people still continue to squat to have bowel movements and with that they have lower rates of the above bowel issues.
So how can we improve your time on the toilet?
Putting something under your feet while sitting on a toilet, can help "un-kink" your hose, the pelvic floor muscle that wraps around the rectum. This could be a squatty potty ($25) (click here for 1 squatty potty on amazon: https://amzn.to/2MAcEUn or if you need 2 squatty potties, click here ($40): https://amzn.to/2S5f42z), child’s step stool ($10.50) (https://amzn.to/2SbSbKL), old phone books….the list can go on and on. There is a pelvic floor muscle that kinks your rectum when sitting and standing. When you sit with your knees above your hips (feet resting on something), you unkink the hose and the feces can move more smoothly out of your body. Once your feet are resting on something and your knees are slightly above your hips, you can rest your arms on your thighs/ knees and slightly lean forward to create a little more space for stool to exit your body.
Avoid straining. My mom would ask us to hoover over the public toilet seat like Marty McFly from Back to the Future so we wouldn’t touch all it’s grossness. If you are like me, you can remember how challenging it was to pee in a half squatted position. I would hold my breath and push to pee. Now that I am in my speciality, I know this is a no-no. Straining or bearing down, causes increased pressure on the pelvic floor muscles, which can put you at risk for hemorrhoids, diverticulosis, constipation, pelvic organ prolapse and pelvic floor dysfunction. Just breathe while sitting on the toilet in your new "squat" position and things should move out easily. And, layer up that toilet seat with tons of toilet paper so you can sit down. If you are in a public place, or a hotel room, grab the trash can, turn it on it’s side, and use it as a stool to help you.
Give yourself more than 2 minutes to have a bowel movement. I feel like as mom, I am rushed to take care of my business. I need to get in and out as fast as I can, to save my screaming child. I also find it difficult to relax when this is playing out. When we feel stressed like this, it is hard for our muscles to relax and we are prone to straining with bowel movements. Act more like our male friends (sorry men). They take their sweet time in the bathroom and relax and read etc. More like what we should be doing. If you do not have a bowel movement after 9-10 minutes of sitting on the toilet, than you are not ready. Get up and walk around and try again later.
– Amanda Fisher, PT, DPT
Quick Links on Amazon:
Squatty Potty: 1 (https://amzn.to/2MAcEUn ), 2(https://amzn.to/2S5f42z)
*This blog is here for your help. It is the opinion of a Licensed Physical Therapist. If you experience the symptoms addressed you should seek the help of a medical professional who can diagnose and develop a treatment plan that is individualized for you. If you enjoyed this blog, check out our website at www.empoweryourpelvis.com. Follow us on YouTube @AmandaFisher or Instagram @empoweryourpelvis
Nap-time Nookie
Because the third time postpartum was a charm, I thought I would be a good time to open up a little on what has worked for my husband and I as we returned to sex postpartum.
Now, before I get into too many details, I want to be honest and let you in on a little secret. Sex has been COMPLETELY different postpartum after each of my deliveries. Between vaginal dryness, sensitivities, leaky boobs etc, intimacy is not the same as it was prior to children, AND that’s not necessarily a bad thing. I love my husband more than anything, but sleep deprivation and a newborn did not help either of us get in the mood.
Girl, before jumping back in the sack postpartum, it is important for you and your partner to feel ready to attempt intercourse once you are released by your healthcare provider. After my first kiddo, I felt the pressure from society to have sex the moment I was released, but I wasn’t ready. I had an emergency c-section, followed by a difficult recovery and was not comfortable in my own skin. I wanted to be there mentally for my spouse to show him how much I love him, but it was hard to focus with my new body, a crying baby in the room and fear taking over. And lets chat hormones for a moment, they took a toll on my libido and sex drive. And then mix that with lack of sleep and my body was like, ummm…no I am TOO exhausted to mess around but I do love my hubby! I would dread coming to bed after nursing the baby because I was afraid he would roll over and attempt to try “sexy time”. This seemed to improve somewhere around 13-15 months postpartum for me, however, I have friends whose libido came back a lot earlier (lucky them!).
While trying to be intimate after our second baby, it was WAY uncomfortable at my cesarean scar. I did not want to be touched and was super sensitive to touch anywhere below the belt. And the dryness was out of control. No amount of lube could fix my Sahara desert “down there”. The pain was unbearable and I was ultra sensitive, I had to ask him to stop. I was in tears, embarrassed and frustrated with myself. My husband was so sweet and felt terrible for causing the pain. This continued a few times before I asked for a referral for a pelvic floor physical therapy.
After our third baby, due to lack of sleep, we waited until closer to 11 weeks postpartum. Third time postpartum was great. I had no issues with being touched or scar healing from my third cesarean delivery. To help in the intimacy and dryness (thank you hormones and breastfeeding), lube and foreplay are necessities, and still are at 13 months postpartum. I am a huge supporter of comfort while adding in great lube (yes, I have some favorites: SYLK :Use PROMO CODE “EYP”, YES and Good Clean Love). Girl don’t ever feel less of a female for using lube. It’s God’s gift to our postpartum vaginas.
Open communication and patience between your partner and you is KEY. There were times I wanted to keep my shirt on because my swollen belly made me feel insecure. Or times I would keep my bra on (too many too count) because my nipples would leak milk or my left boob was huge and FULL of milk which made me look totally lopsided. My husband on the other hand, could not care less and never seems to notice any of my breast or belly issues. He does respect how I feel, which makes me love him even more and checks in to make sure things are comfortable before proceeding forward.
Girl, during the postpartum period, it is not time to pull out your Karma-Sutra book and get too adventurous. Take it slow, focus on breathing, being comfortable in the moment and the position. If you feel discomfort, ask your partner to slow down, close your eyes, breathe and see if that helps to decrease the pain. If not, try another position that might be more comfortable for the both of you OR it just might not be the right time to proceed forward. If pain continues, I would suggest you ask your provider for a referral to a pelvic floor physical therapist.
At this time in our life, we have to schedule out “Nap-time Nookie”. It’s not as sexy as it use to be when we would just get in the sack whenever we wanted, because, well, we now have three small children to look after. And girl seriously, by the end of a work day and taking care of our small humans, I am exhausted. So we try to get all three little guys down for a nap at the same time. My hunky hubby puts the two older boys down while I nurse the youngest (to help with the leaky boobs) and then we meet in the bedroom. It is wonderful when the boys cooperate and we can have some time for us. As a mom, if I can hear my kiddos in the other room, it is difficult for me to focus on this special time with my spouse. So nap time works well for us to have a pleasurable time. This is also when I am able to feel a stronger orgasm (yes this is where my sex life has improved since childbirth).
Oh, one more thing to remember is that each couple and relationship is SO different. Also, love languages are something to keep in mind. My husband would have sex daily if he could. Me, not so much. Luckily, my supportive spouse goes over the top to help out around the house so I can save my energy for other things like nap time nookie.
How To Manage Pelvic Pain Over The Holidays
Hi friend. I’m gonna get straight up personal with you and if you don’t know me yet, allow me to introduce myself. I am Amanda Fisher, pelvic floor physical therapist with a history of pelvic floor issues from peeing my pants to pelvic organ prolapse to pelvic pain to postpartum issues from 3 cesarean deliveries.
Yes, I have experienced my fair share of pelvic floor dysfunction. Now I know it was God’s Plan for me to go through those times to help people like you.
Pelvic pain is a real thing and I can tell you first hand, I have HAD it and still HAVE IT from time to time.
After 10 years of having pelvic pain, I know what to start doing when I feel it creep back in (because let’s face it, we all get busy and fall off the bandwagon of habits we SHOULD continue because it is good for us…but I'm human too) and this time of year is the perfect time for it to come a knockin’. Who isn’t a tad bit stressed around the holidays?! Um…I think we are all raising our hands here.
So, how do I get a handle on my pelvic pain over the holidays?
First thing to do is find a pelvic floor physical therapist in person or virtually. Having a coach or a professional to chat with about your symptoms and give you support/ advice when you need it most is a MUST!! This also creates accountability for me to stay on top of my exercise regimen to kick pelvic floor symptoms.
Second, I schedule or plan out my week and month. I tend to do this on Sundays. I look at my week and plan out what days I can go to the gym (with or without my kiddos), what mornings/ evenings I can walk, and when I can do my pelvic stretches/exercises (I try daily). Writing it down in a notebook or planner makes my brain think that this is happening today and I almost never miss it IF I write it down.
Third, I get a journal and spend a few minutes EACH morning while sipping my coffee (before my kids wake up) writing five things I’m grateful for and 1-2 things I can do today for someone in my family/ friend circle and for a complete stranger. This helps re-wire the brain for positive thoughts. And we could all use a little more of this in our lives, am I right?!
Fourth, motion is lotion. The days I sit on the couch and binge watch Netflix are the days I feel worse. This could be because I am not staying hydrated, or eating more junk food, BUT mostly, it’s because I am sitting in one posture (bad) and not getting blood flow to the tissue. I have to move to feel better and you have to move to create energy and get the blood flowing. I feel so much better after working out, walking etc and then following it up with 1-3 quick pelvic floor stretches to lengthen tissue. So bundle up and get out! OR set a timer in your home and don’t stop moving until it goes off. Follow up with a happy baby stretch or a deep squat to stretch out the pelvic floor muscles.
Fifth, don’t cancel on myself!! This time of year is hectic with all the holiday parties and childhood gatherings, BUT I still make time for myself so I can continue to feel better. And you should too! It is easier to continue a habit I am doing consistently because if I stop it one day, it is much harder for me to get back on the horse and start again.
If you want more information on this or what else I am doing for pelvic floor issues, please email me amanda@empoweryourpelvis.com.
Sex After Baby
Sex. This can be a scary thing for women who have had a cesarean birth, who have torn vaginally, or who have had an episiotomy (or some kind of traumatic birth...or even just birthed a baby). For one, some women find it hard to look at their cesarean scar, think their vagina appearance has changed or have a difficult time letting their partner look at them postpartum because they have lost muscle tone, have a stretched out belly, stretch marks etc.
The scar tissue from the cesarean delivery and vaginal delivery (with a 3rd/ 4th degree tear and episiotomy) is still healing at your 6 week check up and will continue to heal for 6-12+ months, even if you are released at your 6 weeks check up and were told your incision was healed.
Remember, sex should not be painful, but if it is, it would be wise to see a pelvic floor physical therapist to assess your scar tissue (vaginal or abdominal) and see if it might be causing some of your pain. Most OBGYNs and Midwives recommend waiting until after your 6 week appointment to start engaging in sex again. If your doctor has cleared you for intercourse, it is fine to start. There are many factors during pregnancy and delivery that can cause pain with sex. Remember, painful sex is common and not normal. Speak with your doctor about your pain and see a pelvic floor physical therapist to help improve your symptoms. A pelvic floor physical therapist can evaluate your pelvic floor muscles for tightness, poor coordination and assess your scar tissue (cesarean or vaginal) to help address your pain.
If you are experiencing pain with sex, here are some things you can try:
Water-based lubricant
Hormone fluctuations can decrease the amount of lubricant your body produces, especially if you are breastfeeding. Trying a lubricant that is water based is likely to last longer. Here are some options (In no particular order) :
2. Longer foreplay with deep belly breathing
-It may take a little longer to increase your arousal. Adding in some belly breathing with foreplay can help calm down the tissues and get them ready for the fun!
3. Switch it up!
-A position that used to be comfortable, may not be anymore. Try a new position out and see if that does the trick. For example, on your back might be uncomfortable, but on top might cause less discomfort.
If pain continues, please seek the help of a pelvic floor physical therapist and your healthcare provider.